Star Wars: Behind the Scenes
by Liz Franklyn
Summary: Backstage... it all is revealed... da duh duh!


A/N: This is dedicated to my bud Amelia who told me some of this stuff….  
  
Disclaimer: I own none of these characters!  
  
Darth Vader and Yoda are eating lunch off the set of Star Wars.  
  
Yoda: Good sandwich, this is.  
  
DV: I prefer Twinkies.  
  
Y: Fear leads to anger, anger leads to stress, stress leads to Twinkies, lead to becoming very fat.  
  
Luke walks in and looks to Yoda and bows  
  
L: Wassup????  
  
Y: Luke, something to tell you, I have. Luke, I lied. You have absolutely no force ability. The only reason I took you in is because I thought you rich, but so far, you haven't paid me.  
  
DV: Luke I also have something to tell you. I am your mother's sister's uncle's aunt's sister in law's boyfriend's father.  
  
L: Wha- you mean all this time I-I-I-…Then who is my father?  
  
Y: Luke, I am your father. Just call me pop master from now on.  
  
Luke turns to Yoda and gives him a big hug.  
  
L: Papa!!!  
  
DV: Want to see pictures of my kids?  
  
L and Y: You have kids?  
  
DV: Well, excuuuuuuuuuse me!  
  
L: But Princess Lea is my sister right?  
  
DV: Yeah and Luke, tell your sister to rethink that hair style cause... geeze its bad  
  
Y: A hair problem, she has. And you Luke, a problem with losing things, you have. Your hand, for example…  
  
Luke rubs where his real hand should be and glares at Vader.  
  
DV: Look, I'm sorry about your hand already! Can't you take a joke?!  
  
L: Thanks a lot. You and your breathing problem…  
  
DV: What's so funny? I have asthma! Hey… has anyone seen my inhaler?  
  
While Darth Vader begins to search for his inhaler, Luke reaches for his light saber…  
  
Y: Luke, I know Darth Vader really has you annoyed, but remember if you kill him then you'll be unemployed.  
  
L: But, I can do anything with the force.  
  
Y: Listen, you don't. THE FORCE THE FORCE what the heck can you do with the force? NOTHING! I made up all that stuff about the Force. I really had you goin' though didn't I?  
  
Darth Vader looks up, hearing this comment.  
  
DV: Go ahead! Have no faith in the Force! See if I care!  
  
L: But Yoda, Obi-Wan always said…  
  
Y: Remember all that stuff Obi-Wan taught you? Forget it.  
  
L: But…  
  
DV: Luke stop whining, you're giving me a headache!  
  
L: You mean you can actually hear under that helmet?  
  
DV: I'm not only the president of the helmet club for men; I'm also a client!!  
  
Yoda walks over to Darth Vader and knocks on his helmet.  
  
Y: Can you hear this pretty boy?  
  
DV: Yes, and it does hurt when you knock on my helmet.  
  
Yoda slaps his forehead  
  
Y: Doh!  
  
Luke doubles over laughing… Yoda would double over, but since he is so short, he falls over.  
  
DV: I'll get you my pretty, and your little Jedi Yoda too!  
  
Yoda gets up and tries to stop laughing… and succeeds only long enough to say…  
  
Y: Life is like a box uh' chocolates...  
  
… then falls over again. Luke stands back up and walks over to Darth Vader.  
  
L: Let's take this outside fat man!  
  
Y: We cannot kill Vader; he still owes me 10 altarian bucks for a giant ice cream when he was 9!  
  
DV: I owe you nothing! I paid that back to you! And black is slimming, right? RIGHT?  
  
L: Apparently not.  
  
Y: (laughing) Here come the men in black…  
  
DV: Ok Yoda… bring out your light saber. You are going down!  
  
Luke steps back. Not wanting to lose his other hand. Yoda brings out his light saber.  
  
Y: I'm a green mean force-machine.  
  
Darth Vader brings out his light saber too.  
  
DV: So you do believe in the force!  
  
Y: No. Lied, I did.  
  
DV: Before I kill you, I want to know… why do you always talk like that?  
  
Y: Ummm, Trouble with grammar have I! Yes!  
  
DV: Just so you know… My Light saber's automatic...systematic...obi- matic...why, it's Greased Lightning!  
  
Y: Bring it on fat boy!  
  
As you can guess, Darth Vader and Yoda break into a light saber battle. It lasts for five minute's when all of a sudden, both light sabers suddenly fade out.  
  
DV: Time out! My light saber ran out of batteries!  
  
Y: Mine too! Anyone got any AA batteries for my light saber?  
  
Luke runs over and hands them batteries.  
  
L: Can we call it a tie and just save it for the movie?  
  
DV: Good idea. You aren't totally stupid young one. When I kill Yoda, I want everybody to know!  
  
Y: You mean when I kill you!  
  
Darth Vader and Yoda continue arguing over who will kill who.  
  
L: I wish Lucas would give Star Wars the "Police Academy" approach...  
  
In walks an ewok.  
  
Ewok: Superkalifragilisticexpeealladocious...  
  
A/N: Thank you to my sister for helping me organize this mess! 


End file.
